So you’ve finally mustered up the courage to ask that girl or guy out on a date and you want to give a good impression, so what do you wear?

This was a dilemma that I recently faced as my wardrobe consists of a variety of jeans in various states of abuse, a collection of Rip Curl t-shirts and some almost worn out Vans Shoes trainers. I have a couple of crumpled old shirts, last worn for a funeral and job interview, a suit that was out of fashion when I bought it second-hand ten years ago and a pair of over-sized wellington boots that were won in a raffle. So I was wracking my brains. Should I go clothes shopping, which I hate, or could I borrow something suitable from a friend?

So I called in to see an old friend who suggested that I might borrow some of his fancy designer gear. The problem was that I am a small man and he is huge. All of his fancy designer clothes were simply far too large. I looked like a kid who’d been let loose in his dads wardrobe. I decided to go and see another good friend who is closer to my diminutive size.

My good friend Kenny is about my size and he has an enormous collection of clothes. The problem is that Kenny is a flamboyant gay with a taste for garish, fluorescent colors and overly tight, stretchy clothes. Kenny suggested that I borrow a pair of his skin tight lime green lycra trousers along with a nasty bright orange t-shirt with a slogan on the front that read ‘Too Drunk to F***’. I didn’t think that this would create the impression I was aiming for so I asked if he had anything else.

Kenny excitedly said that he had just the thing. A garish purple jumpsuit with a massive collar, covered in rhinestones and sequins. I asked Kenny if he was really serious and he told me that this was his lucky suit. I tried it on but it made me look like an Elvis impersonator so this was another non-starter.

Then Kenny showed me another selection of clothes that he described as boring impulse buys that he had never actually worn. When I looked inside I could see that these items were far more suitable than the nasty dayglo stuff that he’d shown me so far. He had a collection of Nike ACG jackets that he had never worn because they were, in his words, too boring. There was a heap of jeans from Levis, Diesel and other excellent brands and a whole load of shirts, some quite loud, but several that I would happily be seen in.

So my good buddy Kenny really helped me out with a nice outfit that really impressed my date and resulted in her coming home with me, but that is another story. Since then I’ve bought myself some nice new clothes and treated Kenny to a t-shirt that is so bright it will scorch you eyeballs.

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